Unattainable
by petulantpoet
Summary: The night following the death of Dumbledore. What might have happened if Narcissa had found Severus and Draco and convinced them their part in the war was over. A/U in respect a relationship existed between Severus/Narcissa.


I stumbled across a quote one day and for the life of me found myself unable to not apply it to my world of Narcissa and Severus. I always wondered what would have happened had Narcissa found Severus and Draco on the night following Dumbledore's death. I'd like to think it would have made a difference, I'd like to think she might have saved him. But alas we know that was not to be his destiny despite my fondest desires. I hope you find my words pleasing and have the time to leave me a few words as a thank-you.

"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves ..."  
― Federico García Lorca

~~Unattainable~~

The cottage was unremarkable and quite remote; obviously the owner had taken great care in not drawing attention to its existence. It had taken several excruciatingly long hours but Narcissa was sure she had finally found them. The Belladonna planted by the garden gate had only confirmed her suspicions, only Severus would find it amusing to plant such a poisonous greeting to potential visitors.

Narcissa had received news earlier in the evening which had driven her from the relative safety of the Manor into a desperate attempt to find her son and hopefully his benefactor as well_. Dumbledore dead_…she simply could not put her mind around the current set of circumstance. She should be pleased; this was after all what she stood for- what she supposedly believed in. '_Toujours Pur', what absolute rubbish_. In fact it hadn't mattered to her for a very long time and only one man had been privy to her new beliefs. She did not claim to be a saint, no activist for the well treatment of all muggle kind. She didn't give a damn about them or the maniacal wizard trying to kill them or even the do-gooders trying to save them. No, her new beliefs were all about her and those she deemed worthy of her love and protection; and her current set of circumstance only reinforced that within that small realm were but two names, _Draco and Severus. _All that mattered now was the safety of her son and the dark desperate man who had been forced into a vow he wanted no part of and then made to commit murder in her _blackened_ name.

Cautiously she pushed through the Garden gate, stepping tentatively across the stone pathway toward the dilapidated wooden door. Reaching what should have been a barrier she became alarmed when suddenly she realized there were no wards, her presence had gone remarkably unannounced. Pausing briefly she thought perhaps she had been wrong, perhaps this wasn't the place Severus had spoken of or perhaps things were much worse inside than she could have ever anticipated.

Upon reaching the entrance maternal fear consumed her and without thought of her own safety she pushed against the wooden door and was once again shocked when it swung open revealing a moonlit hallway and still no alarms sounded her arrival. Further down the hall she could see what she thought to be a thin figure sitting on the stairwell leaning against the broken spindles of the railing, his head hung low cradled within his hands.

Daring to hope terror suddenly quickened her steps and within the space of a breath she reached what she thought just might be her son and blessedly the shadows parted long enough for her to finally see the one face she so desperately sought. It was Draco and he appeared absolutely broken from within. Dirt and tears stained his face while his eyes seemed almost hollow- so consumed by fear and desperation he could no longer focus on her form.

She noticed then his wand lay at the foot of the stairs, discarded and forgotten. It was obvious he had given up and the events of the evening had claimed his life despite the fact he still drew breath. Draco was now like them, like Severus and herself. He had become another minion to the living dead; his soul could no longer be counted as his own. Lifting his chin she whispered his name and instinctively he responded to her touch.

_"Mother…"_

Softly she ran her hands over his face wiping away the soured remains of tears and unforgiving sins. Oh her poor, poor broken boy. "Shhhh my darling, Mother is here." Kneeling before him she tentatively pulled him to her chest, wrapping him within the safety of a mothers embrace. Her vision began to blur as tears threatened to fall from there perches and she found herself unable to cease covering his golden crown beneath a canopy of kisses. Forgiveness could come another day or perhaps never at all; that was no longer important or consequential in the least. Her boy was alive and she would see to it that he remained that way no matter what horrid sin she may yet be forced to commit.

The stillness was suddenly broken by a wail that seemed to resonate from a tortured animal. With a start she released her child and stood to full height once again drawing her wand, preparing to fight for her son's life to the very death should she be forced. Dropping her eyes for only a moment they locked within Draco's gaze and instantly she knew just what she was hearing, she knew whose heart was breaking. That night she learned the sound of loosing one's soul, that night she understood and witnessed more than she ever wanted to know of the world.

Draco's eyes spoke volumes without his lips allowing the words to escape. _"Help him…"_

Cautiously leaving Draco's side, her wand still at the ready she crossed the hallway and stood within the doorway terrified by the atrocity she was now witnessing. Severus was kneeling on the floor his form outlined by the fire within the hearth. The irony of Hell on Earth did not go unnoticed, she knew at that one moment she had in fact entered the realm of the damned. His hands were clenched within his hair, his face distorted in agony almost beyond the point of recognition. His continued waling threatened to become her undoing and she had been unable to prevent her eyes from closing and attempting to forever forget the sight before her. _Would this dark night ever end?_

Finding her voice she softly spoke his name and with her words silence once again descended upon them.

"_Severus…"_

Twisted and broken Severus looked from the floor; his lips now pressed shut fighting against the screams threatening to escape. Dropping his hands to his side he visibly shifted his weight and with his eyes told her he was a lost man, a man even she could no longer redeem. Lowering her wand she quickly covered the space between them until dropping to her knees and once again reclaiming what she had always considered to be hers. Draco was her son and she loved him beyond what she knew the word to mean but Severus, he was her great unattainable desire. She still loved him as much as she ever had but after tonight would he still be able to say the same for her. To burn with such desire and then keep quiet about it for all these years was the greatest punishment they had brought upon themselves and yet they each remained mutually addicted to their own tragic bliss. Only now, after all this- would he, could he ever love her again?_ Her poor darling Severus…what had she done to him?_

He fell into her embrace, limp and broken beyond what any mortal could possibly ever repair. She held him there as they both sank onto the floor, her arms never releasing him; she would let no one take him away from her ever again. His body continued to shake and sobs once again erupted from his soul and once again broke through the stillness. She held him closer then, refusing to give up on him- refusing to allow him to battle his demons alone. It was her turn to be brave now, her turn to say without words that she had loved him for a thousand years and would go on loving him a thousand more. She wanted to tell him to not be afraid, that nothing would hurt him ever again but she didn't think this to be the time for lies. Instead she held on even tighter until eventually his arms returned the embrace and wrapped there way around her form, defiantly refusing to let go.

He clung to her for what seemed to be hours but she could tell by the moonlight streams that edged their way across the floor it had not been near that long. At some point Draco had entered the room and he now sat leaning within the doorway; his head still low and heavy as if embarrassed to be witnessing an obviously private affair. Children were supposed to cry and make mistakes but their hero's lived within a world of no regrets, no second guesses. To see his Professor so broken, so beaten, and so full of remorse taught him a lesson which could have never been learned in a book. That night, before her very eyes Draco became a man and he had earned that title by nothing short of a trial by fire.

Once again her words brought him to his senses, once again she softly called his name and finally Severus released her and though his tears he found her eyes.

"I want to be clear that you are listening to what I am saying, that you both understand every word I am about to say to you- to both of you." Her head turned slightly to watch Draco lift his eyes and slowly nod. At least now she had their attention because every action she was about to take was necessary for them all to survive their collective living nightmare. She would save them all and the rest of the world could be damned to hell for all she cared. Narcissa had sacrificed enough and she was so very tired of always risking those she loved most in the world. Draco had been forced to learn lessons that should have come much, much later in life and Severus, poor darling Severus had been tormented each moment he drew breath. She would finish this tonight, one way or the other this was going to end.

Looking into Severus's eyes she reached for his face and cupped her hands around his features locking his gaze on to hers. "I have died every day waiting for this moment, waiting to finally realize I have the courage to end this for us all. I will not loose either of you, not to a maniacal monster and not to the supposed savior of all wizard kind. I could give a damn about either of them or their self serving causes and quite frankly I secretly hope they both end up destroying the other."

Narcissa turned once again towards Draco, his eyes still drilling holes into the floor as tears rolled down the contours of his face. Once again she turned to Severus, he would be the one that would be the most difficult to convince. She felt sure her son would follow her but Severus, he remained forever the enigma as always and she wasn't sure she would be able to crack his self imposed code.

Her next words were meant for Severus, the only man she had ever completely believed in. "I don't care why you killed Dumbledore. It doesn't matter to me if you pulled your wand because of vow I forced you to take or because there are reasons I am to never know. I don't care and I never will. Right now all that matters is that you and my son are alive and I intend to see that both of you stay that way."

She could see within his eyes he was beginning to understand what she was saying and for a moment she thought perhaps she had misjudged the situation and that perhaps this night for the first time he just might tell her, '_No_".

"I have always believed in you Severus and trusted you like no one else in my life. I turned to you, _only you_ to save my son and you must now let me save you. I have watched you stand alone and fight for convictions out of nothing but pure guilt and this has to end before I loose you forever. Let this go my darling, give over this war to those who give a damn because I don't think you care any more about what happens than I do. Tonight was the last time I will almost loose those I care about, tonight _I_ take a stand, tonight I'm putting an end to this war and so can you."

Turning away from Severus she looked to Draco who was now rubbing the tear stains from his face. She watched him reach for his wand and quite unceremoniously snap it completely in half. In that one moment he severed his ties to a world he no longer cared for, a world that had taken a once beautiful boy and tortured him to the brink of madness. Relief immediately coursed through her as now she was completely confident her son could be saved. Now there only remained Severus and he had yet to make his choice and as she saw it there were only two options. He could either decline or concede to her wishes but either way she would be leaving and leaving with her son. After this night she had no intention of ever returning.

For a moment Severus looked to the floor as if precariously weighing his life on a scale only he could see. She remained quite, afraid should she speak it may tip the scales horribly against her favor. Finally Severus broke the quite though his eyes still studied his imaginary scales. "You said you would let nothing take away that which you love did you not?"

Narcissa smiled slightly, "Yes my darling that is precisely what I said."

Severus took in her eyes as he spoke his next words. "Then you must certainly realize what that means for me and understand the position your choice has placed me in."

For a moment Narcissa felt confused, unsure of just exactly what he was saying or more importantly his intent.

Sensing her unease he clarified his meaning. Releasing her hand he stood to full height only to once again reach for her hand and pull her to her feet. He wanted to see her eyes; he needed to see her face soften as he knew it would once she understood what he was willing to do for her. "I will not allow even you to take away that which I love."

It was then she understood his meaning and realized she had done the unthinkable; she had in fact some how managed to save them all. She had always known she would leave this house with her son one way or the other but Severus, he had been the wild card and it seemed she had finally won the final hand.

Narcissa watched as Draco moved closer to the fire and briefly made to move toward his direction. A carefully placed hand by Severus against the small of her back stopped her and they stood in silence as they both watched him toss the broken remains of his wand into the fire. The flames erupted violently as heat consumed magic until nothing remained but ashes scattered among the burnt timbers within the hearth. For the longest of time Draco said nothing, instead remaining fixated upon the metaphorical ending of his youth. Eventually he turned looking first at his Professor, the man who more than once had saved his life and then to his mother, the woman he would give his life for and finally spoke, "We are done here and now it's time to forget."

Narcissa reached for Draco and took his hand and with her other wound her fingers through Severus's and held onto both so thankful for the miracle she had been given. She used to think there was no justice in the world that only the mad and magnanimous reigned supreme but now she didn't believe that at all. There were miracles to be had and within her grasp was absolute concrete proof of just such.

They left the house without once turning back, without once giving a care to what would happen tomorrow or even the day after. It didn't matter in the least that none of them knew where they were going, what mattered was that they had all some how managed to survive a set of circumstance that should have claimed them all and that now they were finally together.

That night Narcissa walked out on a war, she physically turned her back and removed her person from the only world she had ever known. That night Narcissa felt freedom for the first time in her life and nothing what so ever mattered other than the two hands which she held and the firm belief that some how together they would surely find a better world.

_~~finis~~_


End file.
